Unafraid

Dreaming I am at home; two insects are flying around. They are silver in colour and look a bit like stick insects or dragonflies. They have a long body/tail and long wings, and they keep flying everywhere. At one point, I think there is a third one. I look around the house; there are insects and flies…

Other

Yesterday continued to be a complete washout. I spent the evening at home feeling grumpy and unable to occupy myself. I flitted around between TV channels and crap on the internet before giving up and going to bed at about 10.30 pm. This morning I woke up full of rage, and I don’t know why….

Decision

Last week, Phil said he’d booked for us to go away this weekend to meet his Dad’s side of the family. He told me he’d booked a dog-friendly hotel so we could take Jasper, who is only five months old. I told him I was going to ask my sister, Susie, to have Jasper. He…

Silence

After six days of silence, I still haven’t heard from Theo, and I feel a bit annoyed. I feel used. But wouldn’t it be true to say that maybe I used him just as much, especially as I don’t want more from him. However, meeting him has made me realise that I will not settle…

Deep

When I have a counselling session that goes quite deep, it can leave me feeling a little bit like I’m in shock for a day or two afterwards. It leaves me drained and exhausted.

Intuition

Two days ago, I had an overwhelming urge to speak to Craig again. We haven’t spoken properly since November, other than the odd text here and there, so I texted him a quick hello. He replied asking how I was and said we should meet up sometime to catch up, so we arranged it for…

Dealbreaker

Dreaming I am going out for lunch with Craig. He pulls up in his car, and I am in mine, but kind of in his too. I have all the children with me. I hadn’t told him they were all coming along. Craig pulls up the back window, and I can’t see behind me anymore.  We are parked in the car park of the Carvery in Northbridge. I wonder if our cars are blocking the way for others, but no one…

Self-Conscious

Dreaming I’m at home; Josh comes home feeling happy. Tom goes up to his bedroom; I can hear him shouting at Josh. I go to Josh, and Tom leaves; Josh is hurt and upset. I ask Josh what it was about; he said he was at Danny’s, needed a poo, chose the toilet that had no door and was open for all to see, and that a woman had come along and seen him. She had reported back to everyone else, and Josh thought it was funny. I’m at a hospital in the waiting room with Susie,…

List

I decided to make a list tonight of all the reasons I will never get back together with Tom. I went through my diaries, listing everything out, and as I read through everything, more and more memories came back to the surface – things I had never written about but were obviously hurtful enough for…

Same

We’re moving out in sixteen days. I’ve packed four boxes so far. I have a pile of letters that need responding to. I need to sort out utilities for the new house, yet I don’t feel like doing any of it. I think the stress of the last few years, coupled with the stress of…

Warning

Dreaming I am driving in my car when warning lights come on, and the car starts to break down. I’m going quite fast at the time and have to pull over to safety. I think I am on the motorway. I pull over and put my hazard lights on. A car comes up behind me,…

Snow

It snowed really heavily last night and was still snowing this morning when we awoke. The girls stayed off school, Tom and Josh stayed home from work, and we all played out in the snow. My neighbour Sam came around in the afternoon; we all built snowmen in the garden, but then Tom started making…

How?

Looking back, I can see that I’ve always put everyone else’s needs before my own. I always thought that was what made me a good mum, partner, sister, daughter and friend, but I’m starting to feel like a complete fool.

Waste

We went out for lunch today. If we ever go out, we almost always go to the same restaurant, and I pretty much always order the same food because I love it so much. This week, I’ve decided to go on a diet and try to deal with the extra pounds I’ve put on, so…

Sided

Dreaming I am in my living room. I look to my right and see a brown snake near the door. I’m not sure at first whether it is a snake or a slow worm, but I realise after a while that it has to be a snake as it is too long to be a…

Cold

I’m so angry with myself. Annie had me up so much on Sunday night, and last night even more so. I felt as if I had about two hours of sleep all night, so today I’ve been exhausted. At half past eight tonight, I told Tom I was going up to bed. I got my…

Doubt

Despite what the counsellor said about me being negative, I’m starting to have doubts. I think she was wrong. Maybe I am negative, but Tom isn’t innocent in all of this; in fact, I’m starting to wonder if I might be in a verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling relationship. I’m also wondering if my…

Cheat

Dreaming Tom has told me that he has cheated on me by having a one-night stand. I don’t react and just accept it. He also tells me that he’s going to London for the weekend as he’s seeing someone else but will be back after the weekend. I accept that too. I am sitting on…

Always

My Dad rang this morning to tell me that my aunt has died unexpectedly. I got off the phone and, through tears, told Tom what had happened, but I had interrupted him while he was listening to records. He started shouting at me for annoying him, and said it’s always my fault that he’s annoyed….