Two days ago, I had an overwhelming urge to speak to Craig again. We haven’t spoken properly since November, other than the odd text here and there, so I texted him a quick hello. He replied asking how I was and said we should meet up sometime to catch up, so we arranged it for that lunchtime. I couldn’t wait, but it was very different to before. I didn’t want to see him because I was interested in him, or because I wanted him – that fizzled out for us both some time ago – it was a feeling that I needed to see him desperately. I didn’t realise until now that it was because he had something for me; that he was going to mirror something, and that there was a lesson in there for me.

Craig has lost his spark. It was quite sad seeing him, and I just wanted to give him a hug because he has become who I was eight months ago. He’s depressed and miserable, and totally controlled by his ex. He can’t move on with his life because she stops it at every turn, or at least tries to. She threatens to stop him from seeing his child if he dates anyone else – even though she is dating – and she screams and shouts at him when she doesn’t get her own way. She is totally mirroring the way Tom was with me and still is occasionally if he thinks he can get away with it. Craig’s ex controls Craig with her anger, and Tom still has a degree of control over me because of his anger.

My advice to Craig was that despite the possible consequences, he must stand up to her. No matter how hard it is, he must not give in to her demands, even when she’s being nice, because she’s not a nice person, and she’s playing him for her own gain.

I did take my own advice on board because at that point I was getting an inkling as to why I needed to see him so badly. I realised I haven’t been standing up to Tom enough because, like Craig, I fear the possible consequences of that. I fear his anger.

Today the test came.