After six days of silence, I still haven’t heard from Theo, and I feel a bit annoyed. I feel used. But wouldn’t it be true to say that maybe I used him just as much, especially as I don’t want more from him. However, meeting him has made me realise that I will not settle for someone who doesn’t accept me 100%. That I don’t like flakiness. That I need a lot of attention and don’t like not being contacted. That I’m too nice and lenient.

None of this really matters as I don’t want to settle down again. My life is fun, it’s good. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, I’m certainly not going to settle for someone flaky and non-communicative. I think if he were genuinely interested, he’d have texted this week. Well, I would have done, but then maybe he’s not like me?

Two weeks of non-stop texts to nothing, and I’m angry, and yet, we have no ties.

Anger could stem from fear, but what do I fear? Being alone. Being unloved. Never finding anyone to love me. Loneliness. I am already lonely. Not painfully so, but to the point where I’ve almost forgotten what it feels like to feel anything else. Loneliness has become the norm for me now. It’s been ten years of feeling lonely.

Tom’s presence in my life did nothing to change it. Greg was the only one to stop me from feeling lonely. It almost doesn’t matter because I’m doing alright.

I would love Theo to text me tonight. He won’t. The attraction has faded for us both now. We shouldn’t have had sex. I just want him to acknowledge me – my existence. Is that really too much to ask?