Today was so hard. I spent the whole day questioning if I am only interested in Phil now because he’s moved on, or was it just the kick I needed to make me see what he means to me? The more the day went on, the more my head imploded until, in the end, I…
Tag: Writing
Synchronicities
I’ve had a lot of indecision over the last year or two about my career, partly because of not feeling good enough – which I’m ignoring even if it still tries to remind me. Partly it was also because there are so many things I love doing – that I want to do and that…
Balanced
2013 was one of my most challenging years to date, with Rosie’s operation, her extended and very worrying time in intensive care and her month-long recovery, followed soon after by Amelia being diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue and spending what seemed like half the year sleeping. That has put added pressure on her at school in…
Free
It’s been weeks since I last had any time to myself at the weekend. Last weekend all of the girls were home because Tom and Greg were both away. The two weekends before that, Amelia and Rosie were home because Greg was away; every weekend before that I’ve spent with Phil, either here or at…
Ripple
I was watching the news this morning when the reporter talked about a crash that occurred in the early hours of this morning. A man had driven into two girls aged fourteen and sixteen. The fourteen-year-old had died. The sixteen-year-old was in hospital in a critical condition. My very first thoughts were of Amelia and…
Wednesday
I’m not happy. Driving back from the school run, it suddenly struck me that despite fooling myself for a long time that I am happy with my life, I’m not. My life is empty and meaningless. It’s 9.27am on a Wednesday morning; I’ve done the school run, and I’m back in bed. Why? Because I’m…
Plodding
I feel like I’m in limbo; maybe I’ve felt that way for the last few years. When I think back over my diary entries, all I see is a mundane life, and that saddens me a little. I have no tales of wild adventures, travelling, or meeting new and interesting people. My life consists of…
Answers
Dreaming There is a little girl who writes in a pink journal. She finds that it solves a lot of her problems. She is sitting by some grass, writing in it and finding all the answers to her problems.
Relaunch
After months of not knowing what to do, yesterday I decided to just do something. Anything. I debated getting a job in a shop, but then thought, why don’t I just restart my photography business? At least that way, I’d hopefully be getting some work, but still be able to be home for the children,…
Deep
When I have a counselling session that goes quite deep, it can leave me feeling a little bit like I’m in shock for a day or two afterwards. It leaves me drained and exhausted.
Weight
I received a letter this morning informing me that the government’s recently announced changes are starting to take effect, which means that a benefit I receive for the children will be cut by £10 per week. This means I now need to find an extra £40 per month. I’m almost sure that if I were…
Tangled
A few weeks ago, when I was right in the midst of terror and crisis, I got back in touch with my old psychotherapist, whom I first started seeing when I needed the support to be able to leave Tom. I’ve had a few sessions with him recently, but after today’s session, I realised something….
Courage
I spent all week unsure whether to go back to the domestic abuse group or not. I didn’t want to go and spend the whole time in tears again, partly because I’m not good with being emotional in front of people and partly because I feel it stops the group doing what they’ve come for;…