Greg

Attraction

Eleven months have passed since I moved into this house and away from Tom. I don’t even want to think about where I was, emotionally, this time last year. Certainly not where I am now – enjoying the peace of a childfree, sunny and warm Sunday afternoon, feeling relaxed and content. It got me thinking…

Runners

Dreaming It is morning; I have just woken. Greg/Tom (Greg is more prominent) is in bed next to me.

List

I decided to make a list tonight of all the reasons I will never get back together with Tom. I went through my diaries, listing everything out, and as I read through everything, more and more memories came back to the surface – things I had never written about but were obviously hurtful enough for…

Integrity

Discoveries are not always good things, but maybe something to learn from… I discovered that I speak from my head and not my heart. I’m not sure I’ve ever really spoken from the heart. I definitely think that what I say or do an awful lot of the time is driven by fear, but how…

Dismiss

My psychotherapist says that I dismiss myself. Maybe I do, but when did it start? I know that Tom dismisses me often. I’ve just told him how lonely and isolated it is being a mum; he gave me ‘the look’ and dismissed it completely. He does this a lot. He’s done this for so long…

Testing

Dreaming I am in bed with Greg; he starts to touch me. I get aroused, despite having no feelings for him. I know I have to listen to my body and have sex with him. I go to the toilet first (I needed a wee in waking life); while I’m in there, I hear banging. I presume the banging is the bed against the wall and that Greg is masturbating. I open the bathroom door and see Danny coming up the stairs. It is 4.45 am, and Danny is just getting home. I look to the bedroom; Greg is packing a suitcase….

Reaquainting

There are many things that people might think are the worst things about the kind of relationship I’m in. Maybe they think it’s the shouting and screaming, or they may believe it’s the actual words that get said. They may see it as the manipulation that’s the hardest thing to bear, or the constant worry…

Endless

I left my marriage to Greg for many reasons, but one of them was that he was so money-oriented. When we divorced six years ago, I agreed that he would pay me £50 per week in child support for Amelia and Rosie, even though I knew this was £10 less than the CSA would have…

Doubt

Despite what the counsellor said about me being negative, I’m starting to have doubts. I think she was wrong. Maybe I am negative, but Tom isn’t innocent in all of this; in fact, I’m starting to wonder if I might be in a verbally and emotionally abusive and controlling relationship. I’m also wondering if my…