I woke up missing Phil, but that changed shortly afterwards to doubts. I don’t know why they’ve started up again.

I’m questioning once again if what I feel for Phil is enough. I’m reminding myself how the issues I had before living with Danny, Greg and Tom remained afterwards, and became major issues which ultimately ended up destroying us.

I’m reminding myself constantly what a good man Phil is, how he’s never done anything wrong. How he’s everything I could ever ask for in a man and more, but still the feeling remains this morning that if we live together – which we’ve talked about lately – the issue is going to become apparent that I don’t love him enough. I love him, but I’m just not sure that I’m in love with him.

I’m going to do it anyway, and I’m going to hope that it doesn’t turn out like all my other relationships. I’m going to do it because he’s a good man and because he treats me with more love and respect than any other person in the world ever has. Partly it’s because I want my children to have that in their lives too, for their future happiness, and I just have to hope that this is just a blip and I will fall in love with him one day.