Dreaming

I am in bed with Greg; he starts to touch me. I get aroused, despite having no feelings for him. I know I have to listen to my body and have sex with him. I go to the toilet first (I needed a wee in waking life); while I’m in there, I hear banging. I presume the banging is the bed against the wall and that Greg is masturbating. I open the bathroom door and see Danny coming up the stairs. It is 4.45 am, and Danny is just getting home. I look to the bedroom; Greg is packing a suitcase. I tell Danny that we weren’t having sex, that we’d just been sleeping in the same bed. 

Amelia and Rosie come out of their bedroom; Rosie says she feels unwell. I hug her; she is very hot. I go to speak to Danny and Greg in the bedroom, but Rosie tells me she needs a bucket as she’s going to be sick. I go downstairs with Rosie to look for one; all I can find is Tom’s DIY bucket. I clean it out and give it to her.

I go back upstairs; Josh is there, home a day early from his course. He tells me why he is early, but I’m unsure I believe him. As I enter the bedroom, Abi and someone else are in front of me. They are telling Danny he is out of order for going to London without telling me and for coming home so late. I tell him I’m angry; he gets a wad of money out. I tell Danny, who is now Dad, that he has to give me £400 to sort this. I don’t actually want £400, but I am testing him. He gives me £400, but it is pieces of paper with £20 he has written on them (they are as valuable as real money), but less than £400. I tell him to keep it. I look over at Annie in a pram. I say, ‘How would you feel if I just up and left?’ I tell him Annie is his daughter as much as she is mine and that he can’t just go to London if he feels like it.

I go downstairs. There are many beautiful objects around: mirrors, lovely pieces of furniture, beautiful coloured rooms of yellow with orangey-red areas. I know that no matter how many times he is told, by whom or in what manner, Danny is never going to understand and that I must pack up and leave.