I suddenly had the strongest intuitive sense that I needed to have sex with Tom today. It didn’t make any sense to my logical mind, but I couldn’t rid myself of the feeling. After trying to make sense of it for a couple of hours, I decided to listen to it instead. I sent Tom…
Category: Spirituality & Symbolism
Unconventional
I went to Karen’s this morning for a quick catch-up. During our chat, she said I am really unconventional and that I probably always have been, and that she thinks I will become more so the older I get. She says she really sees me changing lately, that I no longer seem to care about…
Live
Two days ago, not long after waking, I lay in bed daydreaming about something or other when, suddenly, as clear as day, the words ‘Less than a year to live’ popped into my head. Two days later, I find myself thinking about how we would live our lives differently if we always knew how many…
Self-contained
More and more I’m starting to realise that I’m a selfish person, but the realisation isn’t actually bothering me. There was a time when this would have really upset me; I’d have denied it and done anything I could to prove myself to be selfless, but now I just don’t really mind or care. Is…
Synchronicities
I’ve had a lot of indecision over the last year or two about my career, partly because of not feeling good enough – which I’m ignoring even if it still tries to remind me. Partly it was also because there are so many things I love doing – that I want to do and that…
Give
I’ve been doing it all wrong – this giving-stuff-away thing. I thought that if I gave, I would then receive, and actually there has been truth in that, but tonight I read something that made me feel embarrassed about my way of thinking. Instead of giving to receive, I could be receiving to give. In…
Resistance
I’m having a big lesson in letting go today. For the last three years, I have held on to bags and bags of stuff that we no longer use or want to put on eBay and get some money for, supposedly, but the trouble with that is I hate eBay. I hate the time it…
Other
Yesterday continued to be a complete washout. I spent the evening at home feeling grumpy and unable to occupy myself. I flitted around between TV channels and crap on the internet before giving up and going to bed at about 10.30 pm. This morning I woke up full of rage, and I don’t know why….
Half
If ever I needed an answer to my many questions, it is now. If ever there is such a thing as Divine Timing, it is in this moment. My dilemma with Phil. My challenging year. My stresses and my ever-changing mind. Last night on Facebook, Theo popped up. It’s not the first time this has…
Ripple
I was watching the news this morning when the reporter talked about a crash that occurred in the early hours of this morning. A man had driven into two girls aged fourteen and sixteen. The fourteen-year-old had died. The sixteen-year-old was in hospital in a critical condition. My very first thoughts were of Amelia and…
Urge
When I left Tom, I started finding my truth. My thoughts recently are the culmination of three years of finding myself, finding my truth, and now starting to live it. Events over the last few days have powered these thoughts further. My friend Viv confided in me that there is a man who is in…
Move
I’ve noticed that my periods have changed recently, and I’m sure I’m in, or moving towards, peri-menopause. My last period started on the eleventh of September; I spotted for two days, then stopped. Four days later, I bled properly, then spotted for a couple more days. However, I think I ovulated last weekend – pain…
Sense
Karen and I went to see the psychic today. She talked about previous relationships and said that I’d had a really rough ride with relationships my entire life. She then repeated that and really stressed the point about how hard a time I’d had, which is something I’ve only accepted myself in the last few…
Mink
Dreaming Tom and I are getting married. It is the morning of the wedding, but I’ve left the arranging until the last minute. This isn’t a problem though; it’s just the way I do everything. I choose a dress and some gold shoes, and we get married, although this part doesn’t feature. After the ceremony, we have a couple of photos taken by the photographer we’ve hired, and then we go on to the reception. Me and…
Grandad
Dreaming I am in a fancy dress shop. I’m trying to remember what it is I need to buy a costume for. The person I am with tells me I need a grass skirt for Patsy’s party, but I say I need something else as well. I can’t remember what. I am in a school playground with Annie and her friends; Annie looks really ill. She has really heavy, red eyes and a rash on her face. I feel her head; she is roasting hot. I talk to Mrs Jeffery and tell her I think Annie is ill. She goes…
Mojo
I’ve lost my mojo. I’ve spent the past few days searching everywhere I can think of, but it’s nowhere to be found. I suppose when some of your last blog posts are called Unravelling, Survive, and Alone, it’s inevitable that the next one in the sequence will be about lost mojos. Maybe I need to retrace…
Unravelling
My aunt Nicola, who had special needs, spent a lot of her time knitting squares. The squares would then be sewn together to make blankets. Many of her squares had little mistakes – a small hole here or there, a big hole sometimes. When that happened, my Nan would unravel the squares and help her…
Observation
Annie received a butterfly observatory for her birthday recently. The caterpillars arrived a couple of days ago, and we’ve been watching them grow, excitedly anticipating the chrysalis stage and then their emergence. I feel like I have begun my development into my chrysalis stage of life too. Realising the career direction I want to go…
Quest
I woke this morning feeling pretty awful, not ill or tired, just a profound need to be alone and retreat back into my world with nobody disturbing me. I took the girls to school, avoided making eye contact with anyone as I didn’t want to talk, got in my car and started driving. I was…
Good
While talking to my Mum, she said she’d realised something in the early hours of this morning. That the three significant relationships I’d had in my life, their combined surname initials spelt out BAD. I wouldn’t say that any of the three had been bad people per se, but each one had been bad for…
Responsibility
I went to a past life workshop today. The first meditation we did was an Inner Guide meditation. The lady running the group, Margaret, laid out her tarot cards and asked us to choose the one that jumped out at us. Immediately one did, but I wanted to look at all the others first. I…
Sacrifice
I meditated tonight for the first time in many years. I allowed myself to sink deeply into the meditation. At first, I saw flashes of purple and an eye. More purple followed before I felt the warm orange glow around me and my spirit guides around me. My guide, in this instance, was an old…
Universe
I’ve been interested in personal growth for the last six years, and I’ve always believed in something spiritual and the power of working with the Universe, but the last few years with Tom have taken their toll. I’m starting to wonder if it’s all a load of rubbish, because the fact is, if there was…
Pointless
I boxed up my spiritual books today and put them in the loft. It seems pointless keeping them out nowadays. My books haven’t been touched since we moved in together, as Tom made me feel stupid for believing in such things. Maybe it’ll be something that I pick up again one day in the distant…